Pixel Amiss

AKA I guess we’re doing this, eh?

Fuck my OCD ass. I mean, I don’t have OCD. But incompleteness bothers me all the same. I wrote down my thoughts on the Xbox Showcase, and now I have to write something for every other goddamn stream and direct. It’s not going to happen with the same level of detail: the games are not as interesting. But the opening event deserves some attention, at least.

It’s summer. Which means E3 and lots of announcements. It’s the season of gaming, when every self-respecting publisher comes out of the woodwork to show us the cool stuff they’ve been working on. I like that. I’d be all over the moon if I could still feel the hype.

Except E3 is dead. Has been for quite a while, but it kept pushing on. Not this year. This year we get Geoff Keighley in all his spiky glory and the most infuriating audience ever—a deluge of trailers, some interesting, others not so much. Let’s explore them.

Be careful, though. It’s a long journey.

Prince of Persia – The Lost Crown

AKA I didn’t ask for this

What is this anime shit? I’m not opposed to anime shit on principle, but this is so far removed from what the Prince of Persia franchise has been that I cannot see myself paying for the game. It doesn’t have the vintage charm of the original, nor the dirty drama of the Sands of Time trilogy (or quadrilogy? I seem to remember a flop during the seventh generation).

As things are now, it looks like it’s a generic side-scroller with some combat (we might step into Metroidvania territory? Who knows) sprinkled in. What I call a “cosplayer game”: over-the-top character design that looks good in fanart and conventions, but has no soul.

Perhaps I’m wrong, and it will turn out to be something like the 2008 reboot: a charming, misunderstood project with a lot of heart. But Ubisoft has had a severe issue with branding over the past few years, refusing to create new IPs to the point of destroying their existing franchise identity. Dunno.

Mortal Kombat 1

AKA it’s what? the third time?

A new Mortal Kombat reboot that is not a reboot but the continuation of the last one’s story. Honestly, there’s not much to say. It looks gorgeous, it’s gory, and the “Kameo” fighters are a nice addition but hardly game-changing. A solid iteration of a solid franchise? You know what you’re in for.

Path of Exile 2

AKA I thought this was already out

Eh. Tried the first, didn’t care for it. I’m not cut for hack-and-slash RPGs. I just wonder how well it will do with Diablo 4 out of the gate (and doing well from what I’ve seen).

Street Fighter 6 x Exoprimal

AKA robots and dinosaurs

Street Fighter 6 has been doing well. This is a DLC for it, I guess? I don’t know enough about the two franchises to comment on this crossover.

(Turns out this is for Exoprimal, not Street Fighter. I have even less to say now.)

Dead by Daylight – Nicolas Cage

AKA this man is unbreakable

Another DLC. What to say? This was probably the least cringy celebrity appearance at a game conference (they always look like they’d rather be anywhere else). Nick Cage is a treasure, but that beard doesn’t work.

The Witcher Season 3

AKA God please take me away

I don’t like Geralt. That’s all.

Witchfire

AKA finally some good fucking food

I liked The Vanishing of Ethan Carter. I also enjoyed Painkiller and Bulletstorm. I must have missed the announcement of Witchfire, but now I’m curious how the two styles can mesh. The gameplay seems a bit clunky, but the art is lovely.

Crossfire: Sierra Squad

AKA I’m not sure what I just saw

A VR game, niceeeeeee. Too bad it looks like a generic CoD clone.

Remnant II

AKA don’t talk to the trees

I’m not a souls-like guy. Remnant: From the Ashes felt a bit off to me. This one seems to be going heavy on multiplayer. Not really my cup of tea. But the world looks more attractive than its predecessor.

Sonic Superstars

AKA it went by too fast

It’s Sanic! Curious to see how this ends up being; it was always a shame how the anti-Mario fell.

Honkai Star Rail

AKA I’m lost

No, really. I don’t know what this is. I think I saw it on my phone’s app store? And now it’s coming to PS5.

Lies of P

AKA no strings in sight

Another Italian work of literature reinterpreted for gamers. As I already said, I’m always careful when approaching this kind of crap. It doesn’t help that I greatly, greatly despise Pinocchio (being forced to read it repeatedly at school does wonders, eh?). BUT. The art direction looked interesting, and I might check out the demo and see how the Korean studio fares.

Sand Land

AKA it’s not Dragon Ball

Okay. An adaptation of an Akira Toriyama manga. A relatively minor one, but hey, I’m not complaining.

The trailer is a bit vague, but my god, does it look beautiful. The past few console generations killed my love for cel-shaded games: it was almost like after leaving the PS2 and GC behind, no one knew how to make it work in HD. The style that, I’m realising, is common to many games developed or co-developed by ILCA is neat. An excellent middle ground where we can still use modern machines to push visual detail, without losing the personality of the hand-drawn source.

It should be an action RPG, and there are tanks. You can customise your tank. And make things go boom. If this came out 20 years ago, I’d be all over the moon. Today, my time is limited, so I’ll have to limit myself to watching from afar.

Throne and Liberty

AKA why are they still trying?

A free-to-play MMORPG by NCSoft and Amazon. What could possibly go fucking wrong, eh? I’m too jaded to be hyped by a fantasy MMO, especially one with those names attached. It’s PvPvE. You can transform into an animal. They promise a changing world. I’ll believe it when I see it. Or when Josh Strife Hayes reviews it.

No free Steam Decks

They would have gone to bots anyway.

Warhaven

AKA Look at that impact!

Dudes in armour fight other dudes in armour. And they are immortal. There’s a lot of fighting. They keep on fighting. Sorry, what was I saying?

Party Animals

AKA I thought this was an ad

A party game with ragdoll movement. There are YouTubers laughing. Not exactly my scene.

Dying Light 2

AKA this came out at last?

I guess it’s the promise of the announcement of some update or expansion. I wasn’t listening.

Crash Team Rumble

AKA this should have been only one title

I guess this was a quickfire of smaller info. Not much to say.

Alan Wake 2

AKA oh deer

Ok, calm down. We knew this was coming. And it doesn’t give us much more than we have heard before. Still, a couple of details: they call this a survival horror, which could not be said of the original.

We have confirmation that the two protagonists are on separate tracks (there is a fifty-fifty-fifty-fifty split in the narrative, after all), and you can switch between the two at given points or play them as entirely separate campaigns. Apart from the nostalgia points for the A and B campaigns of Resident Evil, this will probably play into the know-how acquired during the development of Quantum Break (which is, incidentally, the only Remedy game I’ve never played).

The people in the audience didn’t get the Max Payne reference, and now my soul hurts.

The gameplay looks juicy, even if we already saw this scene in the PlayStation trailer. The skeleton is Alan Wake through and through, just with the spooks pumped up, thanks in no small part to the excellent graphics. It’s evident that the recent Resident Evil remakes are a strong inspiration here, and it appears we might get some detective work to do (“Clues available” in the “Case Board” is very promising).

Remedy has yet to disappoint me, and what we’re seeing looks alluring. Barring an unexpected disaster, this is going to be a buy.

Warhammer Space Marine 2

AKA for the emperor

Not much to say here. Many bits of gameplay. It looks satisfying, but not my cup of tea. It’s a Warhammer 40k TPS with Space Marines. Basically Gears of War in Technicolor.

Yes, Your Grace: Snowfall

AKA I thought I owned this game, turns out I don’t

Beautiful looking trailer. No meat, but it’s a sequel, so we can guess what it’s gonna be like.

John Carpenter’s Toxic Commando

AKA I’m sure we can squeeze a few more in hell

I don’t care much for zombies. Not the Romero-style living dead, at least. Especially in gaming, where they have become default cannon fodder, much like the Nazis. It doesn’t help that this trailer is one of the most generic trailers I’ve ever seen. Whacky, cosplayer-friendly characters mowing down random monsters to a pumping soundtrack. Not impressed, and I’m sure Carpenter’s involvement will be hyped up before launch, only to find out then that he only had a 30-minute meeting with the devs and came up with the title.

The car could be interesting if it’s used to give the game a road movie feel, but I’m sceptical. I think I’ll pass.

Baldur’s Gate III

AKA okay, I’m listening

I stayed away from Baldur’s Gate III, not wanting to spoil myself until the full review. I’m glad it’s coming. True, the Forgotten Realms are the most bland RPG setting available, but it’s still a classic series helmed by an excellent studio. I trust Larian Studios and will play this once it is complete. The day is thankfully close.

Jason Isaacs, the focus of this trailer, is great and seems to give a fun performance. His character, Gortash, is obviously a fantasy villain Neil Gaiman.

Nice.

Spider-Man 2

AKA respect the hyphen, or he’ll rip your spine

Another one where “You know what to expect” is the best summary. We get a couple of new story details, mainly that Kraven is in New York to hunt superheroes, not only our two Spideys (dot dot dot!)

We’re surely getting some teaser for Insomiac’s Wolverine, but there might be another surprise cameo? As a PS5 owner, I hope not. The devs did a great job (within the limits of the open-world blockbuster game blueprint) with the series, but I’d rather not see other characters trapped as an exclusive with a remote hope for a PC release half a decade later.

Venom’s not going to be Eddie Brock, which is no surprise to those who played the prequel. Now, there might be a rug pull down the line, but the identity of this game’s host was heavily teased.

I find it curious that Sony’s next big hit is making an appearance here. Bah.

Palworld

AKA Pokémon with guns

How come this Pokémon parody has better monster design than what Game Freak has been putting out in over a decade? The laughter from the audience was earned by this alone. I’m not sure of the shooter part, but it makes sense: who would go out unarmed in a world crawling with reality-bending murder critters?

It’s a multiplayer survival game, so the cynic in me is shouting: “It’s gonna suck!”, but I’m still rooting for a success here.

Black Desert: Land of the Morning Light

AKA the Asian years

An expansion for Black Desert. I don’t know enough about the base game to comment.

The Lord of the Rings: Return to Moria

AKA my brothers, I’ll join you as soon as it’s convenient

What do I have to add? It’s Deep Rock Galactic set in Moria. I will play this, even if it sucks. I love Tolkien’s Legendarium to bits; it has seriously changed my life and helped me through some tough times. I’ve always wanted a game that allowed us to explore the Dwarrowdelf. I enjoy survival games in moderation.

Even if it looks like ass, it came to me. It’s mine. My pre

Final Fantasy VII Ever Crisis

AKA the remake of the remake, now with microtransactions!

This motherfuckers didn’t bat an eye for Max Payne and had the gall to howl for a fucking mobile game. I’ve never understood why people lose all judgement when seeing Cloud’s whiny face. I know, I know, I’m being an asshole, but this game raises all the free-to-play mobile game red flags. I’m baffled.

Speaking of Final Fantasy…

… a Doordash discount. Of course, the audience went wild before finding out what it was. A spontaneous moment of good-natured comedy in the middle of an ad. I laughed.

Banishers – Ghosts of New Eden

AKA there’s something strange in the neighbourhood

I’m not going to lick DontNod’s ass again. I like them and I’m intrigued by this game. The narrative and moral premise is gripping (if it wears out, only time will tell). In many ways, it feels like a spiritual successor to Vampyr, which I enjoyed for all its flaws. I’m just saddened to see Banishers shares Vampyr‘s worst part: why the hell does a nineteenth-century man look like a 2015 hipster prick?

Like a Dragon Gaiden: the Man Who Erased His Name

AKA punch punch bash

The first of the two Yakuza games announced this summer. Ryu is back. The brawls are back. I am almost sure this is a spin-off.

Under the Waves

AKA World Ocean Day the Game

A spooky underwater adventure. Looked pretty. I thought we had already seen something of this game, but the mood was very much “announcement trailer”. Not a day-one buy, but I might pick it up after the reviews.

CoD Warzone

AKA why are they still going

A new season for Warzone. I think it’s a Battle Royale thing, am I right?

Faefarm

AKA Harvest Valley

The game was already announced for Switch, now we know it’s coming for PC. I like cosy life sim games, but this one looks just a bit too cutesy. I do like cute, but this is a bit too saccharine.

Marvel Snap

AKA I have no idea what they’re talking about

I hear great things about Marvel Snap, but I really can’t bring myself to like card games. I tried, and I failed. But seeing Ben Brode on stage is always a joy, so it was worth the time anyway.

King Arthur Legends Rise

AKA if the genre is more than three words long, you need some help

A PC and mobile game. It’s inspired by the Arthurian cycle, but there’s also Mannimarco. Pass.

Wayfinder

AKA I thought it was a Fortnite thing

Another entry in the time-honoured “Blizzard-like cartoony design” genre. It looks pretty but fairly generic. I need to see if there’s some interesting gameplay idea in the mix, but for now, it looks like a no.

Unreal Editor for Fortnite

AKA I thought it was a Wayfinder thing

A short compilation of stuff you can expect to create with the new modding tools, I guess. Honestly, it’s a brilliant idea, and I am ashamed I didn’t think of it. When you have the most successful game engine on the market, why not retrofit it as a modding suite for your most successful game? Too bad it’s Fortnite.

Stellaris Nexus

AKA not the space game I was looking for

Okay, this is confusing. It seems like a cut-down version of Stellaris with a multiplayer focus? Meh.

Space Trash Scavenger

AKA don’t litter

I feel like I’ve seen this game a hundred times in the last decade. Doesn’t seem particularly interesting, unless you are an uber-fan of the genre. Or, I guess, unless this is a dream project from a solo dev with a convenient price tag. In that case, it might make sense.

Star Trek Infinite

AKA may the Force be with you

I know I am a disappointment to Nerddom, but I never watched Star Trek stuff. Still, when I heard “Captain’s log”, my hair stood up a little. A 4x game published by Paradox might be my gateway drug.

Twisted Metal

AKA another videogame adaptation, eh?

I never played the Twisted Metal games, so I’m probably not in the target demographic. This trailer for the Peacock (I thought that was a bird) TV show looked a bit cheap, and the writing is not really what I’d call “inspired”. Still, I’ve written much worse.

Anthony Mackie is obviously thinking of Captain America, and appears a bit woody as a result. But Will Arnett (voice) and the body actor (of the killer klown mascot of the franchise, fuck me if I know his name, sorry) revel in the campiness of the situation. Might be a fun binge after all.

Lysfanga, the Time Shift Warrior

AKA I have an army

As I said before, I’m not much of a hack-and-slash guy. But the time control stuff might end up being fun. Not something I’d obsess over, but if the story is good and the gameplay deep enough, Lysfanga might warrant a second look once it comes out.

Immortals of Aveum

AKA I’m such a driven protagonist!

A fantasy FPS where you rain spells over your enemies. The graphics are pretty, as is the quasi-Spelljammer world. The shooting seems solid enough, and using magic instead of guns gives the developers the freedom to get crazy with weird powers. The only sour note is the snippets of story that don’t inspire much confidence. It might be a good “turn off your brain and play” Doom clone.

Fortnite

AKA oh, so this is the Fortnite thing

I guess it’s an update to Fortnite. There are dinosaurs and tiny Transformers.

Final Fantasy VII Rebirth

AKA I still don’t understand if people love or hate this

The second chapter of the Final Fantasy VII remake shows itself in more depth. A lot of story, but I gave up on the original before this point so I don’t know how much has changed. The gameplay looks like an iteration of the predecessor, so I guess you already know how you feel about it.

I’m still iffy about the idea of splitting it into three full-priced releases, but I guess it’s the perfect marriage of Nomura’s total lack of self-control (how could you not love him?) and Squenix’s love of money.